Ridiculously Short Stories
by Ojex XIII
Summary: the title says it all. this is a series of ridiculously short oneshots. ratings will varie for each story from K to T.
1. Darts

(a/n) as the title says, this is going to be a collection of ridiculously short oneshots. for the most part these are written for a quick laugh or two and to get some stupid ideas out of my head. each story will have its own rating ranging from K to T depending on the content, but for the most part they will probably be K+. so with nothing else to say, glance at this far about ten seconds, get a quick laugh, and enjoy.

Darts rated K+

* * *

Darts

"Dang it, I missed again." Clay complained. For about an hour and a half now he and Rai had been playing darts but for some reason neither of them could hit the target… and it was starting to get on their nerves.

Rai grabbed another dart and took aim. "I'm gunna give it another go." He said before throwing the dart as hard as he could. But once again it was as if the target had moved out of the way. Rai's face went red as his blood began to boil. "Dang it! Stop squirming, Omi!'

"You duct tape me to a wall, upside down, and start throwing sharp objects at me and you expect me to hold still?" Omi asked nonchalantly

"Yeah, pretty much." Clay said.

* * *

(a/n) I have about ten more of these planned at the moment and Ill probably think of some more along the way, so expect a lot of these. and for the record, total time it took me to write this: about 3.5 minutes. more coming soon. I can pretty much update this instantly.


	2. Jeff?

(a/n) the second in my series of ridiculously short stories. I honestly think this one is hilarious.

"Jeff?" rated K

* * *

Jeff?

Master Fung walked down the hallway, happily humming on this peaceful day at the Xiaolin Temple. No Shen Gong Wu had activated, no crazy villain had tried to break in, and no psychopath was trying to take over the world. It was just a peaceful, happy day. As the elderly Monk continued down the hall he walked passed one of his students. "Good morning, Jeff."

"Jeff?" the student questioned. "Master Fung, my name isn't Jeff."

"Oh…" Master Fung said, confused and just now realizing how old he was. "Then what might your name be, young man?"

The student looked at him like he was crazy or something. "… Kimiko." She said.


	3. I Wanna Rock

(a/n) yet another ridiculously short story. this one is slightly less ridiculously short though.

I Wanna Rock rated K

* * *

I Wanna Rock

"What's goin' on, Dojo?" Rai asked as he, Clay and Omi walked into the temple basement.

"Oh, just going through some old junk." The dragon explained as he pulled an old sheet off of something. "Hey! I remember this!" the dragon said enthusiastically. "This is the drum set from my old rock band."

"You were in a rock band?" Clay asked suspiciously.

"I find that hard to believe." Omi agreed.

"No, seriously. It was me and three other dragons. I was the lead singer."

And that's when Rai got that insane look in his eye. "Guys… are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think so, but where are we going to find that many tangelos." Omi asked, confusing everyone in the room.

"Wha… no, dipstick." Rai said. "We're going to start a rock band."

MANY ANTAGONIZING WEEKS LATER

"Ladies and Gentlemen…" The announcer said over the speakers. "It is my pleasure to introduce the greatest new Rock band who just happened to make it big without playing a single song yet… Seven Car Pile Up!"

The crowd cheered insanely as the curtains pulled open to reveal Rai and Omi with guitars, Clay at the Drums, and Dojo with a microphone. "Hello non-specified area somewhere on the face of the earth!" Dojo yelled into the mic. "Are you ready to rock?" With more cheering the crowd gave their answer. "Well then get ready!" and then it dawned on him. "Oh my god we don't know any songs."

After a few awkward seconds of silence Clay shouted, "Cheese it!" and they all bolted from the stage.

The moral of this story: I wanna rock, but I don't know how.


	4. iLove my iPhone

(a/n) this one explains why you shouldnt get an iPhone

iLove my iPhone rated T for not quite fowl language.

* * *

iLove my iPhone

"Check it out guys!" Kim said cheerfully to Rai, Clay and Omi. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small black rectangle. "I got a new iPhone." Clay and Omi seemed to have no idea what she was talking about. Rai on the other hand got that smug look and just shook his head.

"Kim," Rai said, "you do realize that there's no bigger way of saying you're a rich douche bag than owning an iPhone, right?"

Kim just put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "And what makes you say that, Rai?" she grumbled.

"You paid six hundred dollars for a phone that doesn't even have any buttons." Rai explained.

Kim was simply flabbergasted. "Crap, you're right."


	5. Frogs

Frogs rated K

* * *

Frogs

"**AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" **Omi screamed as he bolted aimlessly through the temple. "Somebody help! I need assistance immediately!"

"What's wrong, Omi?" Kim asked as she ran out into the hall to help.

Omi reached into his pocket and pulled a frog out by one of its hind legs. "Wuya has turned Raimundo into a frog!"

Kim suddenly got a disappointed look on her face and raised one eyebrow. "Is that all?" she grumbled. Omi didn't respond. "Give him here." She sighed. "I know how to fix him."

LATER

"Hello, Kimiko." Omi said cheerfully as he walked into the kitchen. Kim was sitting at the table eating something. "What are you eating there?"

"Frog legs." Kim said.

Omi suddenly shot milk out of his nose (even though he wasn't drinking any). "**WHAT?**"

And just like that Rai pocked his head into the room. "Hey, Kim. Thanks again for changing me back."

"Just don't expect me to do it again." Kim said before taking another bite.


	6. Clays Diet

(a/n) Clay's Diet rated k

* * *

Clay's Diet

"Hey guys." Clay said as he walked into the kitchen where Rai, Kim, Omi and Dojo were already sitting at the table eating various foods. "I've decided to go on a diet!" he announced.

"Good for you, Clay." Kim said enthusiastically.

Rai looked over to Omi and Dojo. "Ten bucks says he doesn't make it through the day." He said.

"You're on." Both Omi and Dojo agreed.

"Yep, no more fatty food for me." Clay said as he made his way over to the fridge. He opened it and pulled out a plate of, what else, bacon. "Man, being on a diet is hard work. I give up." He said before biting into some bacon. Kim just starred at him with her mouth wide open while Omi and Dojo forked their money over to Rai.


	7. Know Your Stars: Jack Spicer

(a/n) if any of you remember the old show "All That" from Nick at Nite the you should know where insperation for this short came from.

Know Your Stars: Jack Spicer rated T

* * *

Know Your Stars: Jack Spicer

Jack sat on a chair in the middle of a dark room with a spotlight hanging over him. "I have no idea what this is about but I'll go with it." He growled as he waited for it to begin. And speak of the devil…

"_Know Your Stars…" _said the deep off screen announcer voice. _"Jack Spicer... he lies about his I.Q. level."_

"Wha- no I don't! Get your facts straight!" Jack shouted.

"_Jack Spicer… he's created robots that posed as his girlfriend on multiple occasions because he can't get a real one."_

"I have not! And I've had plenty of **real** girlfriends."

"_Yeah, in fan fictions on the internet… Jack Spicer…He goes to the mall and tries on sexy lingerie every night."_

"All right, that's it!" Jack suddenly pulled a rocket launcher out from behind his back, aimed it at the camera, and pulled the trigger.


	8. Dream Jobs

(a/n) my longest short story so far.

Dream Jobs rated k+

* * *

Dream Jobs

It was about as ordinary as it got around the temple. No Shen Gong Wu had activated, no psychopaths were trying to take over the world, Dojo was no where to be found, and the young monks were bored out of their skulls. The four young heroes had absolutely nothing to do that day other than sit around the kitchen table and stare blankly off into space.

It wasn't long, however, before Kimiko had an idea. "Here's something to pass the time." She said. "What's you're dream job?" Right on cue the three boys tilted their heads to the left slightly and started thinking.

CLAY'S FANTASY

Clay was wearing a suit and was standing behind a podium with a crowd of people before him. "I am proud to announce," He shouted to them, "That I, Clay Bailey, have just been elected mayor of Bacon Town!" The crowd then started cheering and throwing strips of bacon into the air.

RAI'S FANTASY

Rai pulled the trigger on his laser gun and the monstrous alien crashed down to the floor of the space station they were on. For some reason Rai was wearing camouflage, sunglasses, and had five-o-clock shadow.. Rai then passed into the next room to find to find some random blond chick with her wrists and ankles tied together. "Oh thank you! You've saved me!" she said thankfully.

"Don't thank me, it's what I get paid to do." He said in an obviously fake deep voice before he untied her and they started making out.

OMI'S FANTASY

Omi stepped outside of his mansion with his bathrobe and sunglasses on and a pipe in one hand, grinning devilishly as he walked passed the many girls in skimpy bikini's, all of which said the same thing said the same thing as he passed by. "Hey, Omi." To which he replied, "Ladies." He continued walking until he was at the edge of his pool, which was in the shape of a gigantic bunny head.

"I love my job." he said, grinning.

REAL LIFE

"That would be so awesome." All three said in a daze, leaving Kim completely confused having not seen what they'd imagined.


	9. Who Would Play Them in the Moive: Wuya

(a/n) Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Wuya rated k

* * *

Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Wuya

"Hello, and welcome to _**WHO WOULD PLAY THEM IN THE MOVIE**_!" said the extremely loud and completely stereotype announce voice. "The show where we take cartoon characters and decide who would play them in the live action movie version of their show! Today we have everyone's favorite heylin witch, Wuya!"

"Glad to be here creepy announcer voice." Wuya said.

"So Wuya, who do you think would play you in a Xiaolin Showdown movie?"

"Well, based on what I've seen her in already, I'd have to say Angelina Jolie." Wuya answered. "And who's going to argue with me after movies like Tomb Raider and Wanted?"

"I am!" the announcer voice stated. "Sorry, but Angelina Jolie is not the correct answer. The correct answer is… Debra Jo Rupp!"

"You mean Kitty from That 70's Show?" Wuya demanded, absolutely repulsed. "But she's way to old looking!"

"You're fifteen hundred years old."

"But I look like I'm twenty five!" Wuya argued.


	10. Omi's Interview

(a/n) Omi's Interview rated K+

* * *

Omi's Interview

"And now it's time for the first ridiculously short interview." said the stereotype announcer voice. "And here to be interviewed by us today is none other than Xiaolin Showdowns ridiculously short cast member, Omi!"

"Oh, ha ha, very funny." Omi growled. "I get it, the series is called 'Ridiculously Short Stories' so you make fun of the ridiculously short person. Who didn't see that coming? Seriously, why don't you have some imagination and make fun of Clay's stereotype cowboy persona, or Master Fungs age, or Wuya's… awesome rack…" Omi started staring off into space with a big goofy grin but quickly snapped back to reality, "But seriously, don't make fun of my height at least in this series. I could handle it if it weren't called 'Ridiculously Short Stories' but this is just going too far. If you have to make fun of me make fun of my gigantic hea… I'm just going to stop myself right there."

"Dude, were just going to ask you what your favorite episode of the series was."


	11. Ventriloquism

(a/n) Ventriloquism rated T

* * *

Ventriloquism

Rai stood on a stage in front of a small crowd at a comedy club. Rai was that night's entertainment and, just for the hell of it, he decided that he'd give ventriloquism a try. The problem was, however, he didn't have a puppet… so he had to improvise. "All right, everybody, let' me introduce you to my little buddy…" He reached into the box at his side and pulled out the "dummy". "… Omi!"

"For the last time, I'm not a puppet god damn it!" Omi shouted. "And get your hand out of my shirt!"

"Omi! Watch your language!"


	12. Who Would Play Them in the Moive: Jack

(a/n) Who would Play them in the Movie: Jack Spicer rated K

* * *

Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Jack Spicer

"Hello, and welcome to _**WHO WOULD PLAY THEM IN THE MOVIE**_!" said the extremely loud and completely stereotype announce voice. "The show where we take cartoon characters and decide who would play them in the live action movie version of their show! Today we have an engineering prodigy with a bad case of A.D.D.: Jack Spicer!"

"I just have a short attention span, all right!" Jack argued. "Good to be here though."

"So Jack, who do you think would play you in a Xiaolin Showdown movie?"

"I gotta say, I think Drake Bell would do a good job of portraying me." Jack admitted. "He was great in College and Super Hero Movie, and the show Drake and Josh was actually pretty funny too."

"Sorry, that is incorrect!" the announcer voice said. "The person we've actually gotten to play you is… Don Knots!"

"Isn't he dead?" Jack questioned.

"My point exactly!"


	13. Buying a New Computer

(a/n) Buying a New Computer rated K

* * *

Buying a New Computer

Jack grumbled as he kicked in the door of the computer store and stomped up to the counter. "Yeah, I was just as Walmart and their cheapest laptop was five hundred bucks. How much is yours?"

"Well, you've come to the right place sir!" said the clerk. "Here at Computer Max our very best laptops sell for as little as four hundred ninety-nine dollars and one hundred cents!"

"You've got yourself a sale." Jack said, shaking the clerk's hand.


	14. Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Fung

(a/n) this episode is rated K+

* * *

Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Master Fung

"Hello, and welcome to _**WHO WOULD PLAY THEM IN THE MOVIE**_!" said the extremely loud and completely stereotype announce voice. "The show where we take cartoon characters and decide who would play them in the live action movie version of their show! Today we have an old geezer who knows how to take names and kick ass… please put your hands together for Master Fung!"

"Thank you." said Master Fung. "I am very happy to be on your program."

"So, Master Fung, who do you think would play you in a Xiaolin Showdown Movie?"

The elderly monk stroked his beard, thinking the question over. "If he were still alive, I would like to say Pat Morita… unfortunately, that is not the case so… Chow Yun Fat would do well, provided a little makeup to make him seem older."

A loud buzzer went off. "Oh, so close, but you're still wrong! The correct answer was… Lindsay Lohan!"

Fung raised one eyebrow. "… You don't see anything wrong with that choice at all?... Nothing?... Not even a hint that there could be a better choice?"

"Sorry, but the choice is final!"


	15. Dream Jobs 2

(a/n) Dream Jobs 2 rated T... youll see why

* * *

Dream Jobs 2

Kimiko sat in silence as the guys continued their day dreams. Somewhere along the line Dojo slithered into the room and took a seat next to Kim. "What's going on?" he asked.

"The guys are imagining their dream jobs." Kim explained.

On queue, the dragon and Japanese girl tilted their heads to the left slightly and drifted off.

~KIMIKO'S FANTASY~

Kimiko laughed maniacally as she sat on her throne high above her slaves below. The sky was red with fire, the ground was dead and devoid of plant life other than a few dying trees. Next to her throne were two others where Wuya and Katnappe sat. and before here was a great stone statue of herself which rotated as the men chained to it (namely Rai, Clay, Omi, Jack and every other male she'd encountered since coming to the temple) walked in a great circle. "Work, monkeys!" she shouted. "Work and worship me!"

"I told you it was good to be queen." Wuya laughed.

~DOJO'S FANTASY~

"Gentlemen, this is our finest hour." Dojo said as he slithered back and forth in a pacing motion in front of the soldiers (namely Rai, Omi, Clay, Kim, and Master Fung) before him. "This mission will require all of your strength, intelligence, and courage. I do not expect all of you to come out alive. But take comfort in the fact that I will be completely safe back here, protected by a large metal building that has been reinforced with explosion proof materials. And remember, should you complete this mission, I will be getting all the credit even though you technically did all the work… understood?"

"Sir, yes sir!" the five soldiers said in unison.

~REAL LIFE~

"Oh yeah." The dragon and the Japanese girl said as the dreamed. Unknown to them, however, the guys had woken up and were staring at them blankly, trying to figure out what was going through their heads.


	16. Jack's Greatest Idea Ever

(a/n) wow, been a while since I've done one of these. anyway, this installment of Ridiculously Short Stories was inspired by a short on Seth Mcfarlenes Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy!

Jacks Greatest Idea Ever rated T

* * *

Jack's Greatest Idea Ever

"Okay, guys. We just need to get inside and steal back the Shen Gong Wu." Omi said. He, Rai, Clay, and Kim were sitting in the bushes around Jack Spicer house, waiting for the perfect moment to break in and steal back the Wu he'd stolen earlier. "Ready, everyone?"

"Let's do it, li'l partner." Clay said.

"Okay… go!"

Omi jumped out of the bushes. The others would've followed him, but they saw strange flashes and heard strange shooting noises. It wasn't long before Omi jumped back in, terrified. "Yeah, how do you like that, huh?" Jack called from the building. "Not so easy to get into my house when there's a **MACHINE GUN TURRET **on the roof, is it? This is my greatest idea ever! Why didn't I do this while the show was still running?"


	17. Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Kimiko

(a/n) Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Kimiko rated K

* * *

Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Kimiko

"Hello, and welcome to _**WHO WOULD PLAY THEM IN THE MOVIE**_!" said the extremely loud and completely stereotype announce voice. "The show where we take cartoon characters and decide who would play them in the live action movie version of their show! Today let's give a warm welcome to Kimiko, the Xiaolin Dragon of Fire!"

"Could we hurry this up? I have a manicure appointment in half an hour." Kim explained.

"Don't worry." Said the announcer voice. "It's called _Ridiculously Short Stories_. Anyway, who do you think would play you in a Xiaolin Showdown movie?"

"Tough call. I guess Miranda Cosgrove looks Asian enough, and she's young enough to play me too."

Suddenly, a loud buzz went off. "Incorrect!" the announcer said. "The correct choice was… Meg Griffin!"

"What?" Kim questioned. "But, isn't she a cartoon character too?"

"You will not question my judgment!" the announce shouted!


	18. Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Dojo

(a/n) yet another Who Would Play Them in the Movie story. this one makes reference some of you might enjoy.

Who would Play Them in the Movie: Dojo rated K+

* * *

Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Dojo

"Hello, and welcome to _**WHO WOULD PLAY THEM IN THE MOVIE**_!" said the extremely loud and completely stereotype announce voice. "The show where we take cartoon characters and decide who would play them in the live action movie version of their show! Today we have a dragon obsessed with an old man… say hello to Mojo Dojo!"

"Okay, first off, my name is Dojo Kanojo Cho. And second off, I'm not obsessed with Fung. And I'll have you know he recently died!"

"Dude, that was an internet fan fiction. Albeit an epic one, but a fan fiction nonetheless…" the announcer retorted. "Anyway, who do you think would voice you in a live action movie version of Xiaolin Showdown?"

"Well it's obvious, isn't it? We've gotta get Wayne Knight to come back."

"Wrong. Your real new voice actor is… Adam Corolla!"

"You mean one of the hosts from the Man Show?... Cool."

"What? You're not going to complain that it's a completely ludicrous casting choice?" the announcer questioned. Dojo just shook his head. "But he doesn't sound anything like you!" Dojo remained silent. "All right fine, don't argue. I don't care. I'm leaving. Someone get me my coffee!"

"Better practice my new voice." Dojo said before clearing his throat. "And now it's time for girls jumping on trampolines!"


	19. Who Would Play Then in the Movie: Omi

Who Would Play Then in the Movie: Omi rated K

* * *

Who Would Play Them in the Movie: Omi

"Hello, and welcome to _**WHO WOULD PLAY THEM IN THE MOVIE**_!" said the extremely loud and completely stereotype announce voice. "The show where we take cartoon characters and decide who would play them in the live action movie version of their show! Tonight's guest: everyone's favorite half dwarf, half cantaloupe. Say hello to Omi!"

"Cantaloupe?" Omi questioned, a bit irritated.

"So, Omi, who do you think would play you in a live action Xiaolin Showdown movie?"

Omi thought it over for a moment, tapping a finger to his nonexistent chin. "Well, there aren't that many young Asian actors out there… I would say Noah Ringer, but as bad as The Last Airbender was that's just not happening. That and he's too tall."

"You know, associating you with the crap that was The Last Airbender actually wouldn't have been a bad joke, but you're still incorrect. The correct answer is… Charlie Chaplin!"

"You mean that guy from the silent movie era that had a Hitler Mustache?" Omi questioned.

"Indeed."

"So you're saying I look like Hitler?"

"No, we're saying you are Hitler and he looks the most like you."

* * *

(a/n) okay, real quick, I have an idea but I need someones help. After I reveal who would play Clay and Rai in a live action XS movie, Im going to be looking for someone who knows how to use photoshop and knows how to use it well. to anyone who is interested, Id like to ask you to create two movie posters for an XS movie, one with the legitimate actor choices and another featuring the ridiculous ones. the final products should be good for a few laughs. so, anyone whos intersted and, again, knows how to use photoshop well, just say so in a review.


End file.
